How my Posture Changed my Personality
I don’t know quite when or how it happened, but I now bear a forward slouch.
It was not always this way. In fact, I remember having the best posture out of all my siblings without even trying. My dad, in his usual jocular manner, would point to my back at the breakfast table and decree, “Look at that posture!” I was confused at first, because I was not aware of how I was holding myself. Straight posture was natural to me, which is why I did not realize when my crooked habits began to sink in.
In my sophomore year of high school, I transferred from my small-town school and the classmates I had for the last five years to pursue a higher-quality education at a larger institution. Looking back, this was the right decision but a difficult adjustment. I believe this must have been when the curving of my spine began. Everyone at this new school had known each other since they were at least six years old if not before. So when I transferred in, I was their new obsession, the small, quiet girl, completely unknown. I did not appreciate this attention and spent most of my time trying to avoid it. My goal was to excel in my classes and go unnoticed. So I leaned forward and looked down.
In this case, I think it is obvious that my internal struggle led to a change in my body language at first. However, poor posture due to bad mood is a positive feedback loop. Not that it’s a good thing, but that it feeds itself.
“While it’s true that you’re sitting this way because you’re sad, it’s also true that you’re sad because you’re sitting this way.”
So, my back posture steadily declined till COVID came. It was already hard for me to fix this unknown development, but now I was alone in my house, away from friends, and interacting only through screens. Whether it was online school or finding entertainment on my phone, I hunched towards the digital world in front of me. Months and months went on like this and most of lockdown remains a foggy memory. I do remember however, visiting my sister who had decided to work on a ranch in Colorado after her highschool graduation. During my stay, I rode horses across the hilly landscape and hiked. I was carefree and content, just soaking in vacation. But the pictures taken of me was the first realization I had of my curvy composure.
I could not believe how hunchy I looked, and fear began to creep in. I suddenly recalled all the old ladies I saw as a child in the grocery store who could barely glance up. They spent their lives looking crestfallen because of their careless youths, and I was on the path to joining them. And with this realization! I did nothing.
I genuinely was worried by how poor my posture was but did nothing about it and instead gave my attention to starting college. My first semester was still covered in the haziness of COVID. I know that I was there but could not tell you what I did with my days. Emerging from that cloud my second semester, I had forgotten all about my spinal concerns. I began to “find myself” while working at a “garden store,” one summer and did not think of my back even when the manual labor made it ache. My life was falling into place; I had it all, romance, income, long-term goals, and the means to achieve them. I would say I am still in this phase and am enjoying my time. But the thoughts of my spine sunk back in because of my next vacation. I must not take many pictures of myself outside of trips because as soon as a camera was put on me, I saw it again. My hunch was stooping further than ever! I could uncurl my back and rise at least three inches. It had only gotten worse, and I could not believe it.
I was embarrassed, and my sweet boyfriend reaffirmed how horrendous it was. Not only was I becoming the old lady grocery shopper, but other people noticed! This time, the horror carried through to action, and I was determined to improve. Chiropractors on YouTube gave me exercises and said everything would be okay.
They lied.
Even though I have improved, everything is not okay. I would say, my arch is receding, especially in my shoulders, but my head still sits quite forward. I tried to push it back, like the chiropractor man said, by standing up straight, shoulders back, and pushing it into position for a couple of seconds at a time (kinda like what people do to see their double chins). Everything was going just fine till I felt shoots of pain up my neck. Now I can’t lean my head back without it hurting. Every kiss I give my six-foot man is pain, and I can’t sleep on my left side without it aching. Everything is not okay, so I am confronting the chiropractors in person, next Tuesday.
It’s not all been bad. Though I am not 100% uncurled, I’ve noticed a change in my mood. I feel like somehow I am more capable of taking on life’s challenges, and when I walk, I look up more. I miss observing some of the plants, but regard much more beauty in the sky and in faces. I can see where I am headed far off and am fully present. Every day when I walk to work, shoulders not slouched, I am positive and ready to confront the world.
In one TedTalk given by Amy Cuddy, she states that not only do people who sit up straight have higher levels of testosterone, but they also have lower levels of the stress hormone, cortisol. Better posture, therefore, gives people the hormonal levels closer to those of good leaders [2]. Stress and posture are closely connected in humans and can determine our mood for the day and our interactions with the world. For instance, since unhunching I feel less conflict-avoidant. I deal with problems sooner and feel better about their outcomes. Whole studies have been done on this transformation, and one found that sitting upright in the face of stress can help people maintain self-esteem, reduce their negative mood, and increase their positivity.
“Sitting upright increases rate of speech, reduces self-focus [and] may be a simple behavioral strategy to help build resilience to stress.”
My journey to a straight spine is not at an end. Hopefully, the chiropractors do not lie to me again, and I can fully exclude myself from the granny grocer club. Already, the progress I’ve made has been immense. I can now take up space and am working to stand up straight.
